“Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?” Satan said to Eve. But because she either wasn't paying attention or didn't remember it properly she responded, "God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’” AND LEFT THE DOOR WIDE OPEN...to Satan's mind controlling mess!!! (see Genesis 3:1-2)
I'm sitting here thinking and the title to that old book was just ringing in my ears. What was I, 13 or 14 years old when I read that book? I can't even really remember what it was about but the title is just so appropriate. Are you there God...it me...Lisa? I don't know if I 'forgot', 'lost focus', 'got complacent' or all of the above, but I fell away...and I got lost but instead of feeling lost, I felt like I lost something. Searching frantically for something not really knowing what. I looked all over and while I looked, I lost focus...so overwhelmed with stress. Finally, coming back to myself, its been almost 3 months and I haven't tracked my goals. WHOA!! What the what?!? Size 14 again? Where did you come from? I BYPASSED a size 14 months ago. I was well on my way to a solid size 8 but I lost 'it' ('it' sure ain't lbs)...and when I lost 'it' (focus) I almost lost 'it' (my mind). How could I let this happen? I could scarcely look myself in the mirror right now. I feel like a failure. So aggravated, so tired, so defeated. I heard in my ears - 'I told you, you couldn't do it.' I responded back - 'I know, I know. I can't do this. Its impossible, its hard, its'...Hold on! wait a minute! SHUT UP Satan. That's only HALF of the truth. It 'IS' hard BUT I 'CAN' do it!! Matter of fact...YOU DID DO IT!! And you CAN do it again!
Then I checked 'it' (my attitude) and I went back to my closet. I pulled out my Journey of Jeans - All the way up to my starting size - 22. Holding those 22's up to my now (again) size 14/16 self helped me to regroup. "You may not be where you want to be, but you are sure not where you used to be.' AND Satan, you can kick rocks.
Getting back on track is hard...HARD...HARD. I certainly wish I would have stayed my course because momentum is our best friend. But don't get it twisted. Its not impossible. As a matter of fact, I have decided that this 'setback' (its not a failure until you quit) has actually made it better. I am reminded that this journey Back to Eden is a lifetime commitment. It is not something that will do itself but will require my complete and consistent dedication. But the results are worth it.
So...today - I apologize, to you - those who have walked this journey with me, because my first pain and hurt was in that I felt like I let you down. But I hope that in my open failure, that I will allow you to hold me accountable. I have always said, I am not one who has arrived, but only in what I have learned I share as one who has gone before but not necessarily attained. Learn from my failures and put yourself FIRST. Do this for YOU and for those who need and depend on you. You can do it...
Remember....keep walking on water!!